A New State, A New Life...

I guess I really didn't have a reason for starting this blog. At least, not after leaving my Success Central class. Although I have to say, while I do enjoy knowing that no one reads this, there's still a small part of me thinking, someday people can look back at this blog and see exactly what made me the way I am. That is, if I ever became famous. Most of me has resigned itself to the knowledge that all those dreams we have as children of being rich and famous are complete and utter illusion. The most we can hope for in life is to maybe someday be comfortable. Rich is a relative term; to the homeless person on the street, finding a five-dollar bill by the road is rich. For a child who grew up not wanting, such as myself, but still understanding - to an extent - the value of a dollar, having enough money to pay my own bills and have just a tiny bit left over is rich. To someone like Bill Gates, being able to drop a few hundred grand on a car because it would look nice in your collection is comfortable.

I remember as recently as sophomore year of high school wanting to be a comedian. This dream intensified after I came out of the closet, because in my mind, being a lesbian comedian was a novelty - especially a half-Irish, half-Mexican, pale lesbian. So imagine my surprise when I log on to my computer and discover a half-Irish, half-Mexican, pale lesbian comedian performing on Outlaugh. (Incitentally, you should look up Sandra Valls' comedy routines. They're quite funny.)

...

I've been listening to everything more recently, from music to podcasts. I love how I've been telling people since December that there's going to be a live-action Dragon Ball Z movie - ah, with that one phrase I descend back into my usual mindset of, "omg-anime-anthro-draw-write!" - because I heard it on Anime Pulse, and now, in February, there are bulletins on MySpace about it. And since when does listening to a grammar podcast make you stupid? I rather thought it would to the opposite. I'm tired of being called a geek for wanting to improve my speaking/writing. Hell, I discovered a number of mistakes I've made on a daily basis that I've since remedied.

And since when does liking Harry Potter make you a nerd? I like the books, they're well-written, and I can relate to how Rowling must have felt about her characters during the writing process. It's such an intense feeling, knowing that with each keystroke or scratch of a pen, you're altering some character's life. Stranger than Fiction captured that feeling perfectly, which surprised me. I'm sorry, but I'm examining my podcast subscriptions and recalling each friend who has bashed one or more at any given time. Apparently my taste in comedians is skewed by my sexuality because the only good comedy podcast I could find was a GLBT-oriented one; I only care about the news if it has to to with the gay, lesbian, and transgender community; the fact that I like shows such as Degrassi: The Next Generation and other shows on The-N makes me shallow, tasteless, and stupid; and the same goes for me liking Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Yes, I have podcasts about all of those.

God, I'm just so tired of being criticized for every single thing I take pleasure in or use to relax. That's why I've been ignoring what others think of me, as well as how what's good for me will affect others. I took the first step by moving down here, from OKC to San Antonio. I needed to get away from everything, and as much as I love my friends, and miss them, I don't want to go back just yet. I'm content where I am. I need my own life, not one based around my friends.

I can't decide whether or not I'm happy that the odds of anyone reading this - unless I show it to them - are slim.

-S-